I don’t watch much TV anymore. I used to watch tons, but once the kids were born that changed. At first, I was just too tired. If I had some free time, I’d rather nap than watch TV.
Once the kids started to get a little older, it became even harder. Anytime I put the TV on, inevitably one or both of them would come toddling their little asses into the room like they owned the place and make me put on Barney, or Thomas, or Peppa Pig, or some other shitty kids show.
That was 13 years ago. Now if I try to watch TV the same thing happens, but instead of Paw Patrol they make me put on some shitty YouTuber.
If you ever wondered what could possibly be worse than reality TV, the answer is YouTubers. These people are horrible content creators and often lousy human beings. All they do is play video games, scream and pull super mild pranks on each other. It’s like Jackass, but really lame and watered down. No one ever staples their nutsack to anything on YouTube.
I got rid of cable years ago.
I have Netflix and Prime.
That’s it.
And it totally sucks.
Sometimes, when I have the house all to myself and there’s nothing to do, I’ll put it on. I spend about 45 minutes scrolling through the endless options. I see things I want to watch, but I know there are better options that I just haven’t gotten to yet. I end up being unable to pull the trigger on anything. It’s just too much.
I get frustrated with it and turn it off.
I remember seeing the commercials for the streaming services when they first came out. They always started the same way. They always asked: What if?
What if you could watch TV on your terms?
What if you could watch whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted and
wherever you wanted?
All with no interruptions and no limits.
It sounded great. I bought into all of it. Hell, I might have even written that commercial.
But it’s not great. It sucks.
God isn’t a bad guy. I know this to be true because He waited 40 years to make the Detroit Lions a decent team and he did it just for me. He was waiting for me and my boys. He did it for us. To give us something to bond over because I sure as shit can’t do it over Minecraft or Mr. Beast.
And now, every Sunday we watch football.
Last week was Thanksgiving and like every year, the Lions were on.
The game was broadcast on CBS, but you could also watch it with Paramount+, DirecTV Stream, Fubo, or Hulu + Live TV.
I don’t have any of that shit, but I do have a digital antenna that allows me to watch TV the way, some might say, the Good Lord intended it to be watched.
It’s an unattractive device.
Digital antennas don’t come in different colors.
Apple doesn’t make a digital antenna.
Whoever used to sell their shit at Radio Shack, are the people who make digital antennas.
But it gets worse. It plugs into the back of your TV with…gasp… a cord. The shame.
And then you’ve got to figure out where to put it, so you get good reception. Luckily, at our house there’s a bookshelf next to the TV and if you stretch the cord all the way across it and put the antenna on the top shelf leaning against the window, you get a pretty decent picture— as long as the ceiling fan is off.
It’s horribly unsightly. And when someone gets up the picture flickers. But it’s kind of wonderful.
When I try and watch something on Netflix or Amazon, I’m mostly overwhelmed, but I also feel horribly disconnected and alone.
I feel like I’ve snuck off to someplace where no one else can find me. There can’t be that many people who are into watching shows about folks living off the grid in Alaska. There just can’t be. And it makes me feel a little dirty that I’m really into that stuff— like I have a secret fetish or something. I don’t like that feeling.
But watching this football game was the complete opposite. It was warm and analog and filled with crappy local TV commercials that you couldn’t skip past. We made onion dip out of sour cream and Lipton onion soup mix and ate it with Ruffles and it felt like 1991 but in a good way. It felt like we were watching the game with the entire city of Detroit. It felt connected.
It was like the old days when everyone watched the same stuff. Sure, it was crappy stuff, but it was our crappy stuff. And after we watched it, we all talked about it.
I know that people bond over the shows across the various streaming options, but there are so many it’s impossible to keep up. I have a busy schedule. I have hobbies. I have blogs to write. I have employment to find. I don’t have time to binge watch five seasons of Peaky Blinders just so I can connect with other Peaky Blinder folks.
I just can’t help but wonder if part of our divisiveness, isn’t somehow derived from the simple fact that none of us watch the same things anymore. None of us even have the same channels anymore.
It’s not like we didn’t all hate each other before streaming came along, but at least we knew the same catchphrases. That was common ground. Sure it was a tiny little sliver, but it was terra firma which is more than we have now.
So what if we tried some new what ifs?
What if we got back to some of that common ground?
What if we stopped doing things on our own terms?
What if getting whatever you want, whenever you want and wherever you want is turning us all into selfish assholes who have nothing in common except who we hate?
What if we started connecting again?
What if?
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